Everyone deserves some self-love and that includes you. I have learnt that in life, one can only be truly happy if one learns to stop being overly nice to others and practices a certain level of self-love. You can stop being too nice by learning to set personal boundaries, saying no when you must, and prioritizing your needs.
At this stage in my life, all I want to do is prioritize myself and stop being too nice to all manner of people. I’m convinced this is what I need for myself because I’ve learnt my lessons of being too nice the hard way.
You see, I’ve realized that if I stop being too nice I will shield myself against too many nasty experiences including the following.
- Unscrupulous individuals running away with my money
- Having to suffer discomfort after sacrificing my all for others
- Being despised as soon as I can no longer be as nice as expected
- Allowing people to judge me not based on the depth of my character and values but based on their shallow standards
Here is the thing. It’s important to be kind and considerate, but it’s equally important to maintain your own well-being.
Over the years, I’ve discovered that striking a balance between being nice and being assertive is key to healthy relationships and self-preservation.
Moment of Decision
Since I took the decision some time ago to stop being too nice I have been able to claw back my peace of mind and lead a life that revolves around the things that matter most in my life.
Are you looking for ways to stop being too nice to a girl or at your workplace? Maybe you’ve experienced some of the worst consequences of being overly nice in your relationships with others and, therefore, wish to live more intentionally for yourself.
Well, I’ve got good news for you too. You are about to discover some of the steps I have taken to prioritize my personal needs and values.
Make sure to go through these suggestions for your own good. Do not hesitate to add any ideas that crop up in your mind as you digest the points I’ve outlined in this post.
Are you ready? Let’s do it!
1. Set Clear Boundaries
Clearly define what you’re comfortable with and communicate those boundaries to others.
For example, you can let friends know that you won’t always be available for last-minute favours.
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2. Practice Assertiveness
Learn to express your needs and desires assertively without being aggressive. For instance, instead of always saying yes to extra work, you can calmly explain your current workload.
3. Prioritize Self-Care
Put your own well-being first. Take time for self-care activities like meditation, exercise, or hobbies you enjoy.
4. Learn to Say No
Stand up for your rights and needs. Don’t feel obligated to agree to every request. Politely decline when necessary, explaining that your plate is full or you need some personal time.
5. Evaluate Your Motivations
Reflect on why you’re being overly nice in every situation. Are you seeking approval or avoiding conflict? Understanding your motivations can help you make changes.
6. Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself. Remember that taking care of your own needs is not selfish but essential for your overall happiness.
7. Consider the Consequences
The next time you’re tempted to extend yourself beyond reasonable limits for the same of another person, pause to think about the long-term effects of being overly nice.
Are you compromising your own goals and well-being? If yes, find a nice way to take a step backwards.
8. You Are Not Indispensable
The truth is in the majority of situations I had been extremely nice to people in the past, I later realized they would have lived, survived and even thrived without me.
So stop acting as if you are the only one who must show kindness to the world.
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9. Seek Support
Talk to friends, family, or a therapist about your tendency to be overly nice. They can offer guidance and encouragement.
10. Use “I” Statements
Learn to practice self-love and take responsibility for your actions.
When expressing your feelings or needs, use “I” statements to avoid blaming others. For example, say, “I feel overwhelmed” instead of “You’re overwhelming me.”
11. Practice Empathy
While reducing niceness, maintain empathy for others’ feelings. You can still be kind without sacrificing your own needs.
12. Develop Healthy Self-Esteem
Build confidence in your abilities and self-worth. When you value yourself, you’re less likely to seek external validation through excessive niceness.
13. Face and Resolve Conflicts Creatively
Actively develop the skills needed for handling disagreements constructively. Avoiding conflict altogether isn’t a healthy solution.
Remember that trying to be nice just to avoid conflict with others is the worst form of self-denial.
Respect your own feelings and learn to stand by the principles you hold dear no matter what.
14. Do Your Best and Leave the Rest
Understand that you can’t please everyone all the time. Focus on doing your best rather than striving for perfection.
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15. Learn from Role Models
Identify individuals who strike a balance between kindness and assertiveness. Learn from their behaviours and communication styles.
I have one such individual very near me. All I’ve been doing is emulate her assertiveness whenever people try to walk over her.
I trust that you too will find such a role model and follow their example.
16. Track Your Progress
Keep a journal to monitor your journey towards reducing excessive niceness. Celebrate small victories and learn from setbacks.
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Final Thoughts
It isn’t easy to suddenly stop being nice to others if this is what you’ve done all your life. However, I believe that like every other habit, the tendency to always sacrifice one’s own wellbeing for others can be fought and overcome over time.
Remember that finding the right balance between being kind and assertive takes time and practice. It’s a valuable skill we all need to develop for healthier relationships and increased personal well-being.
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